Scene: A
townhouse interior. A cluttered workbench occupies the left-hand wall, holding
various locks and pieces thereof; the wall above holds sundry files, chisels
and hammers. The rear wall is hung with portraits, and is broken by a large
archway. Beyond the arch, a narrow hall runs to the left and stairs lead up to
the right. The right-hand wall holds a woman’s workbench, and is broken by a
swinging door to the kitchen. A bookshelf above holds several pamphlets and a
single thick tome. The centre of the room is occupied by a low oak table carved
from a single bole.
As the lights come on, we see Otto as a child standing
atop an unlikely and precarious stack, attempting to reach the tome. Pots
clatter in the kitchen, and Otto’s father is pounding out a tumbler on his
workbench. Otto reaches the tome, but loses his balance. The stack falls apart
with a crash as Otto tumbles to the ground and scurries under the table.
HOLFAST:
Stop that infernal racket!
LUCRETIA (offstage): Enough with your clanging!
HOLFAST: Be
discreet, wife! This lock requires my utmost concentration!
Lucretia enters stage right, looking haggard.
LUCRETIA: An
hour past, ‘twas your belly that distracted! How can you hear the kitchen ‘twixt
its rumbling and your hammer?
HOLFAST:
How could I miss it? Do you seek to deafen me with that beastly din?
LUCRETIA:
By dint of my din you shall dine! Go
wash up! Exit stage left.
HOLFAST:
Ah, for a quiet woman to quell my hungers! A woman who appreciates the melody of true craftsmanship...the clever
play of dextrous digits!
LUCRETIA (offstage): Oh, for a farmer who works
his fields all day, and comes home only to plough!
HOLFAST (smiling): Shrew!
LUCRETIA:
Oaf!
Holfast exits backstage.
OTTO:
Mother?
OTTO:
What’s an aura?
LUCRETIA (offstage): Who told you that word?
OTTO: No
one.
LUCRETIA (offstage): Well, don’t you let me hear
you using it! (enters) I swear, the
filthy things your father teaches you!
Colim enters from back hallway.
COLIM:
There’s a man at the door, Goody Proudfoot.
LUCRETIA:
Did you get his name, Colim?
COLIM: No, ma’am.
He just said to tell you ‘winter’s fruit.’
LUCRETIA: ‘Winter’s
fruit?’ Well, what can he mean by that? What does he look like?
COLIM: A
bit like me gaffer, but taller. Smells like ‘im too!
LUCRETIA:
Well, by Brandobas’ bottom! Applejack! (sticks
her head into the hallway and yells) Get in here, you old fruit!
A grizzled human enters the main room, ducking
his head. His grey hair is tied into a ponytail, and his long moustache is
carefully waxed but stained. His leather pants and boots are in good condition,
but his tunic is grimy and patched. He
carries a gnarled walking stick and a heavy pack. He walks with a strange gait,
as if his legs are too long for his body.
APPLEJACK:
Good evening to you, Lucy my darling! You’re looking well for a tart!
LUCRETIA:
And you look half-baked, as usual. Give me your flask, you old goat!
APPLEJACK:
Better half-baked than half-pint, I
say.
LUCRETIA (kicks Applejack in the shins): Sit down,
and we’ll see who’s shorter.
APPLEJACK (sitting quickly): Now don’t be short
with me, my dear. You’re like fine cider—barely a mouthful, yet you make a man
dizzy.
LUCRETIA:
Now don’t get saucy with me, Jack. I’m a married woman, you know!
APPLEJACK:
(feigning shock) Lucy! I was speaking
of your wit!
LUCRETIA:
Well, I may be tart but you’re far too crusty. Behave yourself, and give me your flask!
APPLEJACK:
(holding out a battered flask) Ah,
she wants another sip of the old Jack?
Holfast enters, dressed formally with
slicked-back hair.
LUCRETIA:
If you would sup, no more sipping!
HOLFAST:
Ah, yes. The wanderer returns.
APPLEJACK rises quickly, bumps his head on the
ceiling, and just barely manages to slip a formal bow in as he falls back down.
‘Twas my star led me hither, sirrah.
HOLFAST: Well,
as it seems you’re invited do make yourself comfortable.
APPLEJACK (settling his long legs under the table):
Oh, I’m always comfortable. Your floor, however, leaves something to be
desired... what’s this?
OTTO (scrambling out from underneath): Ow! You
kicked me in the head, you did!
HOLFAST:
What in blazes are you doing under there, boy?
APPLEJACK (pulling out the tome): Reading, it
seems. (His eyes widen in shock) My
dear boy! You should be ashamed of yourself!
HOLFAST:
What is it?
APPLEJACK (turning away, slipping a magazine from his
cloak into the book) “The Lady Umber turned towards Sir Comfrey, her cloak
slipping from her shoulders. Breathless with anticipation, she still managed to
nod her assent. Sir Comfrey said nothing, but with a swift stroke of his poignard cut the laces of her bodice. As
the ripe fruit of her womanhood spilled forward, he lifted his visor...”
HOLFAST (reddening in shock): Give me that! (He glances at the pamphlet, then takes it
and puts the tome back on the shelf.) Get ready for dinner. We’ll talk
about this later.
Otto, shamefaced, scampers off upstairs
LUCRETIA:
Dinner’s ready! Talk about what, dear? (Her
gaze falls on the pamphlet.) Oh, no. You and your stories...
HOLFAST: (sputtering)
This isn’t mine!
LUCRETIA:
Then whose is it? Really dear, a little smut never hurt anyone, but I won’t
have you filling Otto’s head with this cabbage. Why just now, he was asking me about
whores!
HOLFAST:
It’s Otto’s! Don’t ask me where he got it, I don’t know!
LUCRETIA (smiling faintly) Well, I hope you’re not
suggesting I would bring such filth
into the house!
APPLEJACK:
Now, now. Boys will be boys, after all! Surely it’s not worth getting worked up
about?
LUCRETIA (glaring) Yes, even boys too old to sheathe
their sword! Colim!
COLIM: Yes,
ma’am?
LUCRETIA:
Go show Applejack to the washroom—and make sure he uses soap!
COLIM:
Right this way, sirrah. You’ll see, it’s not so bad once you get used to it.
APPLEJACK (exiting): Soap! What does she take me
for?
Lucretia enters
the kitchen. Holfast stands red-faced for a moment, then kicks a chair over.
Lucretia comes back with a platter, looks at him severely, then starts setting
the table. Holfast helps, and is rewarded with a kiss on the cheek. Lucretia
exits, then Otto rushes into the room.
OTTO: I’m clean!
HOLFAST: Are
you really? Sit down, then!
OTTO: Why
is he called Applejack? That’s a funny name.
HOLFAST:
The big folk have funny ways. I’ve given up questioning them.
OTTO: Who
is he?
HOLFAST: An
old friend of your mother’s.
OTTO: Is he
a magician?
HOLFAST:
Ha! A magic-user? Such a one could surely conjure up clothes that fit!
LUCRETIA:
He is, in fact.
HOLFAST:
That hot-breathed bumpkin? I doubt he could even spell magic.
LUCRETIA:
It’s an act, mostly. And I’d thank you to speak well of our guest!
OTTO: Why
is he called Applejack, Mum?
LUCRETIA:
That’s the only name I’ve ever heard him use, and he likes to drink it.
OTTO: How
did you meet him?
LUCRETIA:
Oh, it was long before I met your father. I travelled a lot in those days.
OTTO: Have
you ever seen him do magic?
LUCRETIA: Oh
yes, but most of his tricks aren’t magic. Even your father can do a trick or
two when he puts his mind to it.
HOLFAST:
Your mother, too. Why, the other night a few magic words made her wand
disappear!
LUCRETIA (glaring): That’s no trick, for something so small.
HOLFAST:
Ha!
OTTO: Huh?
HOLFAST:
Never you mind. Here, I’ll show you. (Makes
a coin ‘appear’ from behind Otto’s ear.)
OTTO: Wow!
HOLFAST:
Now that came from your ear, so it should be yours by rights—but wait! How are
your studies going there, lad? Read any
good books lately? (waving the pamphlet in Otto’s face)
OTTO (flushing): No, sir.
HOLFAST:
Well then, I’ll just keep this. Apply yourself, and maybe you’ll get it back
this Freeday.
Holfast throws the pamphlet into the fire.
Applejack enters just in time to see this.
APPLEJACK:
No!
HOLFAST:
What’s that?
APPLEJACK:
Err... don’t mind me, just a passing thought. Lucy, your table looks
lovely. It’s been days since a warm
meal!
Holfast stares at the coin in his hand, then at
Applejack, then at the tome. His jovial expression fades into a sullen mask.
Lucretia gets everyone around the table to hold hands.
EVERYONE:
We thank Yondalla for this night’s bounty.
LUCRETIA:
Well, tuck in everyone. Don’t be shy, there’s plenty more in the kitchen.
The food is served, and everyone but Holfast begins
eating.
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